


i will always love you

by mabufus



Category: Free!
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, i'm s orry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-20 02:57:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2412437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mabufus/pseuds/mabufus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once he reaches the building, he stops for a moment. He raises his hand slowly, reaching out to the door handle. Rei can feel his heart pounding wildly. Once he opened the door, that would be it.</p><p>He would be gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i will always love you

**Author's Note:**

> i was sad when i wrote this and the moral of this story is don't let me write when i'm sad ever again

Rei doesn't look up when he's walking; he's fully aware of the rain beginning to pour. He adjusts the cuffs on his suit accordingly, and keeps his head down.

He sighs; of course it would rain on today of all days. This wasn't going to be easy for anyone, and now this. Rei quickened his pace, as he didn't have an umbrella.

Once he reaches the building, he stops for a moment. He raises his hand slowly, reaching out to the door handle. Rei can feel his heart pounding wildly. Once he opened the door, that would be it.

He would be gone.

He takes in a deep breath and slowly exhales as he reaches a shaky hand to the door. The door opens slowly, creaking all the while, and Rei quietly slips inside.

Not a lot of people are in the building, leaving Rei surprised, and in some strange way, quite relieved.

He scans around the room for familiar faces when he suddenly feels a hand gently touch his shoulder.

Rei jumps, but quickly regains his composure when he sees that it's just Makoto.

“...Hey...” Makoto looked quite uncomfortable. Rei understands. They've never been in a situation like this before. He never though they would _have_ to be.

Rei doesn't know what to say, either. He nods at him slowly. The look on Makoto's face says that their conversation isn't over just yet.

“Rei, we saved you a seat...if you want to sit next to us.”

Communication between Rei and his swim members had been dwindling ever since his accident. Rei didn't mean to stop talking, honest, he just can't say anything without his throat feeling heavy and dry.

Rei nods again.

Makoto smiles, and Rei can't tell if it's forced or not. He gestures the shorter boy to follow him, and Rei does so.

Haru and Rin are already seated, dressed in nice, black suits. Rei wonders if that even today Haru has his swimsuit on underneath his clothes. Rei doubts it, and supposes that it doesn't even matter, but he'll still never know.

Makoto sits down next to Haru, and Rei takes the next seat.

Haru gives Rei a small nod as a condolence and Rei returns it. 

He's not really sure if he should say anything to Rin.

He begins to open his mouth to say something, but Rin leans towards him first, giving him an awkward pat on the shoulder.

“I'm really sorry, Rei. I know how close you two were.”

“Thank you,” is all Rei can think of to say. It sounds as monotone as ever.

From the back of the room, Rei hears the door quietly open once more. The door shuts with a loud thud, and the small chatter that filled the room quickly dies.

Rei turns around to see his parents, as well as his three sisters. His mother's face is pushed into the shoulder of her husband's.

The family of five walk up to the front row of chairs and sit down.

Rei didn't notice it before, or maybe he tried not to, but his casket was in the very front. It was no mistake that it was his, Rei had never seen a pink casket; not even in the movies.

He almost wanted to smile, but felt it would be highly inappropriate. It was so _him_ , though. Of _course_ it would be pink.

The pastor walks through the middle of the chairs and stops quietly behind the podium. Rei wonders if it would be rude to try and space out as he began to speak. He decides to listen anyways.

The pastor clears his throat before he begins.

“Nagisa Hazuki was a very talented young man. He was a man who was always cheerful and did his best in everything he tried. He was loved by his family and friends every single day of his life, and will truly be missed.”

Rei knows that he shouldn't be, but he's a little angry. The pastor has probably used this template many times before, and just threw his name into the blank. _The pastor doesn't know him_ , Rei says to himself, _the pastor doesn't know him and this shouldn't even be happening_.

“Rei, you're up now,” Makoto whispers, tapping him on the shoulder.

“Ah, thank you,” Rei stands up, embarrassed. He was too lost in his own thoughts and spaced out.

He slowly makes his way up to the podium. Once he gets there, he grasps the edges of the podium for support.

“Nagisa... is a person I will always cherish.” He wants to stop. This isn't fair. He keeps on.

“Back in the days when we first met it was him who encouraged me, though at the time it was definitely _forcing_ more than anything, to join the swim team.” A few giggles from the crowd, and Rei slightly smiles.

“I was so annoyed, but in the end, I joined. I don't know if it was because he said I was beautiful, or because I thought _he_ was beautiful himself, but either way, I became part of the Iwatobi swim club, and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.”

Rei realizes about halfway through that he'd prepared note cards; he didn't care anymore.

“At the end of the school year, Rin came back into their lives, and as happy I was for them, I felt a little... broken on the inside. I felt like I was being replaced, and that made me feel _so_ selfish. It wasn't the case at all, _he_ was friends with them first. I guess you could say I felt like I didn't belong anymore.”

He's about to cry. _Not now_ , he says to himself. _Not now_.

“Nagisa let me know that I was still needed, and that I was still a part of this team. He made me feel wanted; he made me feel important. Because of that, all of my depressed feelings disappeared, and were replaced with new ones. They were replaced with feelings of love for him. I wasn't sure in the beginning, but as time progressed, I can now say without a doubt that I am in love with this beautiful, _beautiful_ boy, who was always there for me, tough times and all. I love Nagisa with all of my heart, and I'll miss him every day with every fiber of my being. It's going to be difficult to have life continue without him.”

At this point his throat is beginning to go dry, and despite telling himself not to, he's crying. Rei lowers his head for a second, and then makes his way back to his seat, his legs feeling much like lead. He slumps back into the seat, wiping his eyes. Makoto doesn't say a word, and he's thankful.

Makoto, Haru, and Rin get up to speak as well, but Rei is too focused on the pink casket in the front of the room to pay too much attention. The only time is he truly attentive of his friends' speaking is when they say his name.

When the service is over, everyone begins to chat with one another. Rei is still the only one seated. He leans forward, burying his face in his hands. He sighs quietly, trying not to catch the attention of the people around him.

He finally finds the courage to look up, and when Rei does, he finds that he is not alone. Makoto is seated beside him, giving him one of his famous gentle smiles. Rei opens his mouth to apologize, but before he can speak, Makoto pulls him into a hug.

“I'm really sorry, Rei.”

“It's fine, really, Makoto senpai.” Rei mumbles into his shoulder. He's lying though, and he knows Makoto knows it.

“You can keep crying if you need to; it's okay...”

And so Rei does. At first he feels a little foolish for bawling right into Makoto's shoulder, but he soon begins to realize that it doesn't matter anymore. He keeps his face shoved into Makoto's shoulder a little while longer, trying his best to forget that he's gone and he's never coming back. For just a few minutes, he wants to forget.

Rei apologizes for staining Makoto's suit, but Makoto waves it off, saying it's not a big deal at all.

“I really love him, you know?” Rei says. He doesn't know why he's saying this, but he just knows that he needs to. “I know we're not really adults yet, but I just...I love him so much.”

Makoto smiles at Rei. “Yeah,” he says, “I know.”

“You know what the last thing he said to me was?”

Makoto falls silent. Finally, he speaks. “Are you okay with telling me?”

“He told me to be safe.” Rei laughs a little. “How ironic is that?”

“Rei...”

Rei knows Makoto is about to say more, so he holds a hand up. “It's alright, Makoto-senpai. To be honest, I feel a little bit better, now that I was able to say all of these things. I was able to pour my heart out, and having everyone hear it made me feel somewhat okay. I know I'm not truly alone.”

“I'm glad you feel a little bit better then,” Makoto says.

“I should probably leave now...after I talk to Nagisa's parents and his sisters, of course.”

Makoto nods, understandingly. “Of course.”

Rei turns to leave, as does Makoto. He stops. “Makoto-senpai?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for letting me be on this team.”

Makoto smiles once more. “Thanks for becoming part of the family, Rei.”


End file.
